[photo courtesy of Dailey Pike]
Veteran bassist Patrick "Putter" Smith is one of the Beast's fave interviews. (The guy has literally saved every gig datebook he's had since 1958, so he is a fountain of jazz history in which one can literally frolic like Anita Ekberg.) After his heartfelt and humorous comments at the Charlie Haden Memorial last month, the Beast decided to reprint Smith's advice on how to get music gigs out of being a substitute for another musician -- a sticky wicket to be sure.
#6: THE HUMBLIST
"Man, you guys sure sound good. If you ever, like, need a sub on, uh, a rehearsal or anything, you know, let me know."
#5: THE APPLE-WAXER
"Man, it sure is great to play with you guys! I just love it. I really, really appreciate so-and-so sending me in, man. It's really nice!"
#4: THE DESIGNATED MOURNER
"Gee, I feel really bad about so-and-so. I'd like to -- you know, I'm really -- but I really love playing with you guys, but I feel really bad about so-and-so."
#3: THE SCROOGE
"Well, you know, I think the gig should pay just a little more than that."
#2: THE GRUBBER
"Well, I think my name also should be on that poster."
#1: THE ARISTOCRAT
"Fuck you, asshole."